Narcissism in Men

Written By: Dr. Yedidya Levy

Intolerable Shame is most closely associated with narcissism (Morrison, 1989). The grandiosity of the narcissist is a reaction to a sense of unlovability, profound insecurity, and self-doubt. This process is an example of a psychological defense, as it often occurs outside the awareness of the individual behaving in a narcissistic fashion. In Daring Greatly (2012), Brené Brown writes that beneath narcissistic illusions of power, brilliance, and beauty lies the terror of being profoundly inadequate and defective.

Melanie Klein (Klein & Riviere, 1964) frames narcissism in a similar fashion:

“Some people readily experience distress through lack of appreciation even from persons who mean but little to them; the reason is that in their unconscious minds they feel unworthy of man’s regard, and a cold reception confirms their suspicion of this unworthiness...” (p. 62)

Narcissism may be particularly relevant to the experience of male shame because it can blend with traditional masculine ideals such as self-assuredness, status, confidence, and bravado. As such, for men struggling with shame related to masculinity, the combination of narcissistic defenses and traditional masculine norms may offer an appealing defensive structure.

The notion that narcissism is more prevalent among men than women is supported by research indicating that men were more likely than women to meet criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, with estimated lifetime prevalence rates of 7.7% and 4.8%, respectively. As with defenses in general, individuals experiencing shame may be drawn toward defenses that are consistent with gender norms and therefore less conspicuous.

References

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

Klein, M., & Riviere, J. (1964). Love, hate and reparation: Newer contributions to the understanding of the emotional life. W. W. Norton. (Original work published 1937)

Morrison, A. P. (1989). Shame: The underside of narcissism. Analytic Press.

Stinson, F. S., Dawson, D. A., Goldstein, R. B., Chou, S. P., Huang, B., Smith, S. M., Pickering,